5 Effective Tips To Deal With Toxic Coworkers

How To Deal With Toxic Coworkers

We have all met a toxic or negative person in our lives. These people are like the dementors from Harry Potter; they drain the space of all positivity and energy. They often cause a lot of stress at work, and most people usually have a complaint or two about them. 

At times, their toxic effects are so high that other people are reluctant to come to work because of them.

So, how can you manage your frustration with such employees, especially when dealing with them daily? How do you keep your mental peace? 

Let’s take a look at the powerful strategies to deal with toxic coworkers so you can get through the day without stress.

Identify the “Office Jerk” and Their Impact

There are some people who drain your battery. There are some coworkers who are just negative, always angry, and who have it out for everybody. 

If you met them driving out on the street, you’d remember that we invented car horns specifically for jerks like these (okay…not really…but we do seem to use car horns more often for them than whatever reason they were invented for). 

But car horns are probably not a viable option for dealing with the frustration jerks at work can trigger, you do have to share an office with them. So what can you do about it? The first step is to recognize these people. In your mind, you can label them as ‘Office Jerks’ if you wish.

Use Emotional Distance as Your Shield

One of the most interesting discoveries we’ve made studying the people and behavior that strains interpersonal relationships is that emotional distance is one of the easiest ways to lessen that impact. 

If you can create more emotional space between you and the office jerk, you’ll experience less frustration and emotional drain. And a few years ago, I learned a trick from Dr. Robert Sutton, a management professor at Stanford University. Sutton told me that the trick for gaining emotional distance is to pretend that you are some sort of anthropologist studying jerks.

Reframe the Situation

So instead of saying, “I’m so frustrated because I have to work with this jerk coworker,” you can reframe and say, “I’m so lucky that I have such a wonderful specimen of jerktitude here to observe.” 

You can observe and track their jerkish behavior as a researcher studying the behavior of a foreign culture would.

Carry a little notebook around if you need to. (In fact, that might help on the day that HR finally comes calling.)

Whatever you do, do it in the service of reframing from grief to gratitude that you have a wonderful example of jerkish behavior. If you think like an anthropologist—that your job is almost to study this person—then you start putting up a little emotional separator between how they’re acting towards you and you taking it personally. 

Emotional distance is the key to dealing with toxic coworkers, especially ones from which you can’t get real distance.

Think of yourself as a jerkologist and how fascinated you are with this amazing new specimen.

Set Clear Boundaries

At times, you will have to do much more than mentally reframing the workplace. Setting boundaries may be hard, but it is a requirement with such people. If your coworker consistently interrupts you at work or has a lot to say about it, which is usually just complaints and criticism, politely tell them you are busy.

Limit your interaction and set physical or emotional boundaries. If possible, move to quieter places and limit conversations or keep the conversation on positive topics. This will keep your head clear of negativity and also keep your sanity intact.

Embrace the Role of a “Jerkologist”

Consider yourself as a jerkologist or a person who scientifically studies the jerk. This way, you will find humor in the situation rather than being stressed about it. Embracing this role of a ‘jerkologist’ can lighten the situation and make it less burdensome.

Just changing your perspective will help you not let their words or behaviors get to your heart. You will become an observer of their behavior and be least affected by it.

Then, on a day-to-day basis, you will take them as people who just have or show you ways of how not to behave in the work setting. 

This mindset will make even the most annoying behaviors feel less personal, give you an understanding of interpersonal dynamics, and strengthen you from within. Maintaining emotional distance is key to feeling in control of your emotions and reactions.

Conclusion

Toxic people are all around us. We cannot limit them or completely eliminate them from our lives. But we can do our best not to let them destroy our lives or ruin our day by creating emotional distance.

So, there’s hope. There are still many ways you can retain your mental energy and perform at the same productivity levels as before.

Remember, you do not have to absorb or be affected by someone else’s negative thoughts; those are theirs to keep. All it takes is to find just a little humor in the chaos, and you can enjoy your day as it is.

HOME_AboutDavidBurkus

About the author

David Burkus is an organizational psychologist, keynote speaker, and bestselling author of five books on leadership and teamwork.

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