Introverts Don’t Hate People

One of the most common responses when I tell people I wrote a book about networking is a simple, “Oh…well, I’m an introvert…so that probably doesn’t work for me.” And over time, I’ve learned to answer that excuse with a trick question.

“Well, do you hate people?”

I have yet to meet an introvert who says they hate people. And that’s great.

But I’ve met many people who mistakenly think they do. Introverts LOVE people. They just interact differently than extroverts, who often unwelcomely dominate conversations, networking events, business meetings, and just about everything else.

Understanding Introversion

Introverts love people differently.

Introversion and extroversion actually have nothing to do with one’s affinity (or lack thereof) for people. Instead, it’s a personality trait that refers to whether or not you draw energy from socialization. 

Extroverts draw energy from being around people and lose energy from being alone; introverts draw energy from being alone and lose energy from being around too many people. Neither of those personality traits says anything about how much you love those around you.

Ironically, building relationships with others may be where introverts have the edge. Research from network science, psychology, and other social sciences suggests that we prefer relationships where we get to know others in multiple contexts. We want to know more about people than we learn from superficial questions like “Who are you, and what do you do?” 

We want to know their backstories, their motivations, their passions, and so much more. And those conversations are more likely to happen in smaller group settings than in the large chatty gatherings that extroverts crave. 

So, while extroverts make time for networking events, cocktail hours, and parties, introverts use that same time for just a few conversations, building deeper relationships along the way.

Traits of an Introvert

Introverts like to spend time alone. It’s not much about disliking people; it’s about how they are energized and draw their energy from alone.

Here are some traits of introverts that’ll help you understand how an introvert thinks.

• They Value Deep Connections. Introverts form deep, meaningful relationships. They don’t like large social gatherings but build strongly with their close peers. They are also great listeners; you can have mature and thoughtful conversations with them.
• Social Interaction. Contrary to common belief, introverts don’t hate socializing. They find social engagements draining. It’s not that they don’t like people; instead, they feel that meeting them depletes their energy reservoirs. So, they prefer more intimate settings where they can hold meaningful conversations with individuals at a deeper connection level.
• Reflection. Introverts are reflective and process information internally before expressing it in words. So they don’t blurt out whatever is on their mind. They think having such a person on board before speaking is valuable in professional and personal settings.
• Observe, Listen, and Think. Unlike many vocal and loud personalities, introverts have strong abilities to listen, observe, and think. They are amazingly creative thinkers, leaders, and valuable partners to have in your personal life.

Difference Between Introverts and Extroverts

When we talk about introverts vs. extroverts, neither of these are well, evil or in the wrong. They are both just different from one another. Understanding these differences can make a lot of difference in our relationships and daily interactions. 

Introverts are generally concerned about and interested in their health and well-being or mental health. They rule by their thoughts and feelings.

Extroverts, on the other hand, are more interested outside of themselves. 

A better way to distinguish between the two is to consider where the energies come from. Introverts usually feel drained after meeting others. They then need time to withdraw from the company and spend it alone. This is how they recharge or regain their energy.

They feel most alive and like themselves when they are in a quiet place.

Extroverts are the opposite. They draw their energy from being in the company of others. They draw their energies from much stimulation, which comes with company.

Do Introverts Love or Hate People?

Nothing above suggests that introverts hate or love people MORE than extroverts. However, it does have implications for many introverts who are shamed for not attending that social event. 

There are many different ways to build meaningful relationships in life, and the fact that introverts and extroverts do them differently doesn’t give one group an edge. So, we should stop pretending it does. 

How you prefer to make new relationships and deepen existing ones depends on where you fall on a scale from energy-producing to energy-draining.

You just have to find the right one for you and the people you know and love.

An Introvert or Extrovert?

Introversion and extroversion are a sliding balance. You don’t have to fit one personality type or fall on one side all the time. We are humans and a mixture of different personality types.

Nobody known to date is a pure introvert or extrovert. 

In the words of Carl Jung, 

“There is no such thing as a pure introvert or extrovert. Such a person would be in the lunatic asylum.” 

Some people categorically fall in the midst of both personalities, though. These are the ambiverts.