A Company Is Not A Family

It’s unclear where the metaphor got started. In fact, it probably didn’t start as a metaphor (“we are a family”); it probably started as a simile (“we are like a family”). Some well-meaning executive somewhere described the company culture as feeling like a family. (That a high-powered CEO would feel like the paternalistic chief of anything is a dilemma for a different article).

Over time, more and more corporate leaders started using “like family” until, logically, one decided to take it to the next level and skip the “like” altogether, boasting, “We’re a family.”

But a company is not a family.

Further, a company shouldn’t be a family.

When companies began to overuse the family analogy, results were rarely positive. Instead, pushing for family levels of commitment can actually damage the culture. 

In this article, we’ll outline the ways that the “family” metaphor can lead to dysfunction. As well as the steps team leaders can take to transform their dysfunctional fake families back into the thriving work teams they were trying to build in the first place.

What Happens When We’re “Family”

Misusing the “family” metaphor at work can lead to several ways employees get abused. Three in particular stand out.

Work/Life Boundaries Get Blurred

Many organizations that emphasize the family feel end up taking actions that blur the lines between work and life for most employees. This was seen much more often before the pandemic when companies flouted free food, dry cleaning, endless parties, and all sorts of amenities designed to make life as easy as possible—as long as you never left work. 

But that became a problem. Employees never left work, opting to spend more and more time with their “work family” but never getting the downtime needed to be sustainably productive.

Committed Employees Get Taken Advantage Of

When companies or even team leaders overemphasize the family metaphor, the next logical step is asking for family-level commitment from employees. This creates a lot of opportunities for leaders to take advantage of employees. 

One project after another gets taken on without considering existing commitments, making it difficult for employees to say no. Beyond overload, overcommitted employees can also be asked to commit more and more unethical actions. When the company’s survival—sorry, the family—is at stake, employees can feel pressured to use any means necessary. See Theranos or WeWork for two recent examples.

Departing Employees Get Labeled as Betrayers

If those employees decide they don’t like blurry boundaries (around work and life or ethics) and choose to move on—that creates a whole new issue. In organizations that overemphasize family, it becomes easy to label departures as a form of betrayal. 

It’s not uncommon for companies to cut off all communication with former employees and instruct their people to do the same. Beyond being just plain wrong, this mindset can actually limit a company—since research shows former colleagues who stay connected become potent sources of new knowledge for each other and their new employers.

What’s Wrong With the Team?

The intent behind labeling a company as a family might have been noble. We want a strong culture of people who are bonded to each other and push each other to new levels of performance. 

But if that’s what we want, what’s wrong with just calling that a team? Strong teams deliver exactly that. Whether you’re in a company that’s abusing the family metaphor or not, here are a few actions you can take to build a stronger team.

Redefine Purpose

One of the reasons for choosing the family metaphor was a poorly executed attempt at bonding teams and organizations together. But just saying you’re a family doesn’t build bonds. Instead, research suggests that one of the most potent ways to bond a team is by pointing to superordinate goals—goals so big they require collaboration. 

For organizations, the superordinate goal is most often the stated purpose or mission. But even here, there’s work to be done. Most organizations write lofty mission statements that are difficult for employees to connect with. It falls on team leaders to translate that lofty purpose into one that bonds and motivates. 

The best way to do that is to redefine it from a big and bold “why” (why do we do what we do?) to a specific “who” (who is helped by the work that we do).

Encourage Boundaries

Despite what it may seem like at first, committed employees aren’t always positive. The line between committed and overcommitted people is incredibly thin. Many managers think they want people who will work until the project is done—arriving early and staying late if need be. 

But the truth is that in a modern economy, work is never done. So, the only way to stay sustainably productive is to make sure every employee enjoys downtime as well. 

More and more companies are experimenting with ways to encourage boundaries, such as forbidding after-hours email, moving to four-day workweeks, and even paying people to take their vacation time. The results all suggest the same thing: time away from work makes work better.

Celebrate Departures

No matter how committed employees are, some of them will move on. New opportunities present themselves. Life changes happen. So are plenty of other reasons for an employee to look elsewhere. In the face of this inevitability, treating departures like betrayals never made sense. Instead, departures ought to be celebrated. 

Employees who leave on good terms should be seen as alumni representing the organization even in their new endeavors. In addition to information, departing employees have become a powerful new source of referrals for new hires. There is no better recruiter than a satisfied former employee working in a new company talking with their potentially dissatisfied new colleagues. 

In addition, treating employees well as they’re departing has a motivating effect on the employees who stay, as they watch how positively their former colleagues were treated and trust that they’ll be treated the same one day, too.

Impacts of the Expectation of Loyalty 

Loyalty often becomes a two-edged sword in companies that work on the family metaphor. Employees, on the one hand, feel compelled to stay in the company and roles even when they are no longer passionate about them, or those align with their professional growth. 

It creates a toxic culture where people feel trapped. There are unspoken rules and expectations of loyalty, and they are unable to move on and pursue new opportunities or make career changes. People fear being labeled as disloyal and often refrain from speaking up about issues that are bothering them. 

This leads to a lot of negativity, including burnout, lack of acknowledgment, and the team drifting away from the company values. If the same continues over time, it creates a toxic culture where employees stay in the organization out of obligation, which diminishes job satisfaction and affects productivity. 

Companies that demand this level of loyalty are at risk of creating a quiet quitting culture. Employees may disengage mentally and emotionally even when they are physically showing up. So, such employees become robots and do not voice their concerns. They internalize dissatisfaction, which becomes detrimental to themselves and the company.

The same leads to low morale, increased turnover, and a lack of innovative thoughts. We need a culture of mutual respect where everyone is encouraged to pursue their personal goals and not fear being judged for looking up opportunities to grow.

Build a Culture of Mutual Respect and Growth

Instead of focusing on this unrealistic relationship, the organization should create a culture built on respect, transparency, and personal growth. The family culture is no longer going to lead to success. 

You need to recognize employees on an individual level with unique goals, values, and aspirations. You need to give them opportunities for continuous learning and invest in their professional development. In this way, you can show employees that you are invested in their long-term success, whether this success is achieved in your organization or elsewhere. 

So, it’s quite an open-minded approach where you need unobstructed channels of communication. The employees should feel at ease in expressing their concerns, ideas, and thoughts without fearing judgment or punishment. Moreover, they should feel motivated and empowered to feel they are part of the company’s success, where their development and input are valued. 

As we talked about before, departure should be celebrated rather than seen as betrayal. Employees move on for different reasons; maybe it’s for personal growth, new challenges, or life changes. You should build a culture of respect where departing employees should be encouraged while maintaining positive relationships with the organization. 

They should be viewed as alumni who can offer valuable insights or act as advocates later. This will build your company’s reputation, and people will see that your company values contributions and supports people even if they are going on different paths.

Wrap Up

Calling your company a family may have been a well-meaning metaphor, but it hasn’t been a very useful one. Most employees don’t want a dysfunctional family. They want a team that’s bonded through purpose and built on trust and respect. 

They don’t want to be seen as family one day and divorced family the next. They want to know their contribution is valuable even after they leave. They don’t want leaders who overcommit and abuse them.

They want leaders who help them do their best work ever.